


Wishful thinking

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 09:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/796806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For your own good usually isn't. [02/12/02]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishful thinking

## Wishful thinking

#### by silvina

  
Standard Disclaimer. Sometimes you can't forgive and forget. Other times people try so hard to understand they miss the entire point. Or maybe I'm just working through some more of my issues through Jim. You decide. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com  
I'm not very nice to Blair, simply because he sympathizes, but he doesn't understand. Also, the end is not about sexual love even though it sorta sounds like it. Maybe next time.   
  


* * *

what's the matter world   
reach down your hand in your pocket   
pull out some hope for me   
long day, Matchbox 20 

* * *

Blair looks up at me as I punch the wall after my father leaves. Again. Run, dad, run. 

"What's wrong? I would have thought you'd be happy to know that he was just trying to protect you." 

I'm shocked. That's not what he's supposed to say. Doesn't he get it? I wanted there to be something wrong with me. If there was something wrong with me then that would explain it. That'd be a _reason_. Not some character building crap. That's the biggest bunch of BS I've ever heard--I was in the army, Chief. I've heard a lot of BS. 

For my own good. Is that supposed to make me feel better? To change that he made me feel horrible? For my own good--that's just an excuse. And it's not a very good one. 

I hate that I repressed him for so long. It just seems so weird that someone who took up so much room, was so awful, could be completely forgotten. I remember how it felt when he found out about the car. It was like he was just waiting for an excuse. 

"What the hell, Sandburg?" 

He looks at me funny. Pity, I think, and I can't breathe. The last thing I want from him is pity. 

"Look Jim, all I'm saying is-" 

Did he buy into my father's PR? His hand on my arm throws me off balance. Don't - don't touch me. How could he- 

In the middle of yelling at him I finally realize why I'm so pissed off at him. I wanted him to get angry on my behalf. 

This is shocking to me. I'm a cop. I was in Special Ops. But all I wanted was for someone else to get upset on my behalf. I wanted Blair to be pissed off for my sake. 

I'd seen him furious at some perceived injustice in the world. I'd seen him take risks for the sake of his friends, his students, the guys at the station, even total strangers. And yeah, he's taken risks for me, not that I ever wanted him too. I know he loves me. But obviously, he doesn't _love_ me. He just doesn't get it. 

I'm still alone. 

* * *

And I don't know why you wouldn't just stay with me You couldn't stand to be near me   
when my face don't seem to want to shine cause it's a little bit dirty, well   
don't just stand there, say nice things to me push, Matchbox 20 

* * *

End Wishful thinking by silvina: sdelcul@yahoo.com  
Author and story notes above.

  
Disclaimer: _The Sentinel_ is owned etc. by Pet Fly, Inc. These pages and the stories on them are not meant to infringe on, nor are they endorsed by, Pet Fly, Inc. and Paramount. 


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